7th Apr, 2008

Plans for Angel’s reunification

Or should I say, insufficient plans for Angel’s reunification with his birth family.

There is a strong possibility that Angel will be returned to his grandmother’s custody this week. At present she is only seeing him every few weeks for a one hour supervised access along with other family members. With the possibility of him returning to her care it was suggested to her that access be arranged on a daily basis leading up to the court case, so if the decision is made to send him home at least she will be a little more familiar to him. But she refused, on the basis that she cared for him his first three months, has been seeing him since, and knows him. But how can he know her?

For the last eight and a half months Angel has been in my care and, as would be expected, has formed a strong attachment with me. For the last few months the feeling at his care plan meetings was that there was a strong likelihood he would not be moving back to family and that we should be pushing for permanency plans to be made. His birth mum showed no signs of overcoming her dependency, and Angel’s grandmother was not wanting custody of the baby, being more than busy enough with his older siblings. Neither were taking full advantage of the scheduled twice weekly access visits; in fact sometimes four or five weeks went by between visits. Our concerns were to move Angel’s case plan from family reunification to Permanent Care, but each time it went to Court the outcome was yet another three week Interim Accommodation Order, even though D.H.S. (Department of Human Services) were pushing for a Custody Order.

Until just two weeks ago when the Magistrate refused to roll over the Interim Accommodation Order, claiming that Angel should not be in foster care as there was no significant risk to him at home. The Magistrate directed that we send him home that day. Fortunately the D.H.S. worker managed to convince her that it wasn’t in Angel’s best interests to be returned home with no transition, having not even seen Grandma for almost two months, so we were granted till the next scheduled Court hearing to make plans for his reunification.

D.H.S. workers are trying to make these plans believing if we end up with the same Magistrate she’ll send Angel home the very same day. But Grandma obviously doesn’t have a great understanding of how attachment works (most people don’t) and doesn’t seem keen to learn. What is more she has never worked well with D.H.S. workers so they haven’t had much chance to explain to her how important it is for Angel to have time to begin attaching to her while he’s still secure in his placement with me. Being of a different culture and language with little understanding of English doesn’t help communication efforts either.

I had planned to attend some of those extra access visits too so Angel could see me interacting with Grandma, maybe talking and laughing with her, the two of us playing with him together, so the little guy could see that I approved of and liked Grandma. Then when he found himself living with her, and no sign of me anywhere, he’d hopefully feel ok to love her, because he somehow remembered the two of us together in a positive way.

Now those plans have to be set aside.

Who’s to say Grandma will bother to come to any access now until the Court hearing. Meanwhile I just keep on caring for Angel, giving him all the love he needs, hoping that the last eight months in our care has built up his resilience to help him through this difficult time ahead for him.

I can hardly blame the Grandmother – she just wants her grandson back – but I hope the Court’s guiding principle of acting “in the best interests of the child” win out and we can make a gentle transition for him back to his family. I can’t make myself feel ok about Angel returning home, but I would at least like the opportunity to make such a big change for him happen the best way it can.

Responses

Reading this story breaks my heart and as I read on the tears run down my cheeks taking me back 17 years to a very similar story.My husband and I had picked up a beautiful however very badly abused 6 week old from the hospital,as a foster parent we were use to battered ,abused and broken children.We had him in our care for 12 months before the department started supervised visits with his 16 year old mum and 23 year old dad who had basically no parenting skills whats so ever and no
desire to learn.In the. 8months that followed they either turned up effected by drugs,or alcohol or late or not at all.I was willing to do what ever it took to ensure my precious little Kyle would not be to trumatised when left in their care on a more permanant basis,however this wasn’t to be.We applied for permanent gaurdianship of him until he was 18 and on the day of court with no warning a aunt turned up and asked for temp custody,with out any time for him or us to take in and adjust to what was happening he was removed from our care the next day and placed with the fathers sister We were told children adapt very quickly to new situations however to this day I can see the look on his little 19 mth old face and the desperate cries from him.I had hoped thing may have changed over the years,I don’t know what it will take for but I hope one day people in high places with see things throughvour eyesvandbmore importantly these children’s eyes.
I wish you all the best and hope everything turns out ok

Reading this story breaks my heart and as I read on the tears run down my cheeks taking me back 17 years to a very similar story.My husband and I had picked up a beautiful however very badly abused 6 week old from the hospital,as a foster parent we were use to battered ,abused and broken children.We had him in our care for 12 months before the department started supervised visits with his 16 year old mum and 23 year old dad who had basically no parenting skills whats so ever and no
desire to learn.In the. 8months that followed they either turned up effected by drugs,or alcohol or late or not at all.I was willing to do what ever it took to ensure my precious little Kyle would not be to trumatised when left in their care on a more permanant basis,however this wasn’t to be.We applied for permanent gaurdianship of him until he was 18 and on the day of court with no warning a aunt turned up and asked for temp custody,with out any time for him or us to take in and adjust to what was happening he was removed from our care the next day and placed with the fathers sister We were told children adapt very quickly to new situations however to this day I can see the look on his little 19 mth old face and the desperate cries from him.I had hoped thing may have changed over the years,I don’t know what it will take for but I hope one day people in high places with see things through our eyes and more importantly these children’s eyes.
I wish you all the best and hope everything turns out ok

Robyn, as foster parents we’re certainly at risk of having our hearts broken over and over. Little Angel will soon be five and we still see him once a month, and occasionally have him for longer times – recently he stayed with us for a month whilst his Grandmother went overseas for a wedding. He’s doing OK but still is very attached to me, and asks to stay with us when it’s time for him to return home. He’s a resilient little guy and I just hope we’re able to maintain contact as he grows up, so we can support him and his Grandmother until he reaches adult hood,
Glad to see people still read my blog; thanks for the comment, Janine

Hi Janine

Thanks so much for the update on Angel. It is so good that you’ve still managed to maintain monthly contact. I have learned much from your blog and appreciate the time that you put into it.

I am readying myself for the fostering assessment here in QLD, after wanting to foster for many years. My partner and I don’t have any children (infertility) but we have been very active in the lives of our many nieces and nephews.

I am wondering if there are any particular books that you think would be worthwhile reading prior to beginning the fostering process?

Thanks again.

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